Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Hello?? Is this thing on?? Great, you can hear me!

It’s Smurfette here, reporting from Beachville, and Blossy has invited me to act as ‘guest blogger’ for this week, to share some of the hilarity of our Tour de Wine Bottle – nearly as gruelling as the Tour De France, but not quite as long (also featuring significantly less lycra or indeed exercise!)

I packed my gear and left my husband Carlton at home for the week, ostensibly so I could go do some learnin’ at a national conference, but ac-shul-lee so Blossy and Smurfette could investigate some wineries and engage in a little light retail therapy!

Our trip stared with a tootle along the ‘coast road’ departing from Beachville leaving BtT to feed the dogs and tape the important shows like Masterchef and Glee (in case we overindulged and couldn’t concentrate on the tele!) – we anticipated a scenic trip with views of the coast, apparently we were a wee bit misguided as we saw a lot of scrubby bush along the sides of the road with the occasional glimpse of water or suburbia.

I’m no fashionista, but...

I had a stint, only a couple of summers ago, where I wore killer heels and swanky skirts to my job at Bogan-ville Primary, very posh indeed. After slowly eroding the skin on my feet I determined that my feet were really designed for sandals with soles like tractor tires, and teaching maths to Kindy kids was more suited to the wearing of three-quarter length jeans. So the posh skirts and silly shoes were relegated to a lofty shelf in the wardrobe, only to see the light of day for weddings and parties involving free drinks, and I went back to Tar-jay t-shirts and shoes from Colorado.

All of which made our stop at the Somewhere-or-other-up servo to fill Kimmy-the-Kia’s tummy all the more amusing... Cue vision of three trendy poppets dressed in high fashion of short black skirts, tights and topped off with a choice flannies. Apparently our choices of Tar-jay travel-wear (i.e. jeans and t-shirts) just don’t cut it in a Supre world...sigh... The folk inhabiting Wine-ville had also obviously missed the latest issues of Marie Claire, based solely on our tally of muffin tops, tracky and ugg-boot combos and cheesecloth muu-muus. I guess you’ve gotta be comfortable...

And we were further outclassed fashionwise later in the day at the Cow-land Bowlo Club, where we braved the $10 ‘Beer and Burger’ meal deal for dinner. After being met with the stunned stares of the locals at the bar (it was a bit like this: “Oh gee, there’s two sheila’s comin’ in the door – guess they’re not from round here, eh Bazza”), we rounded up a burger and a glass of included wine (apparently not-local-sheila’s could substitute wine if they weren’t up for a beer) – glad it was a local SSB rather than a Chateau Cardboard, given we were in the heart of Wine-ville – and retired to the corner to observe local behaviour. There was the cluster of tradies propping up one end of the bar, balanced by some other locals on the other side – and let’s just say both Blossy and Smurfie were thrilled that we hadn’t bothered to dress-up! Workboots, hi-vis shirts and a reflective strip on your duds seemed to the highest layer of dress-standards at the bowlo, which got us to thinking about what might be written on the dress standards board at such an establishment... How about “Singlet, thongs and shorts welcome, no bling, no cashmere and no fat chicks”

And then there was the full-contact sport of shopping in Wine-ville...

My VGF, Blossy, is currently researching a range of ecologically friendly, ethically responsible and economically viable items for her burgeoning e-business, and Wine-ville seemed like an appropriate place to continue the mission to locate items appropriate for this kind of venture... With a range of stores selling items like handwoven hemp hats and scarves made from intertwined Tibetan toenail clippings, sorting the wheat from the chaff was... strenuous.

We like to shop. Both of us.

When Blossy lived back East we could stretch an adventure at DFO into a full arvo's entertainment. We were underprepared for eco-research in Wine-ville. For example the highly obvious BO in the local bead emporium, the significant proportion of stores selling slop in a jar made from local produce and we were completely under-aware of the need for a ‘Beginner’s Guide to Bong Etiquette’ – yes, really! And don’t get me started on Eco-Cow and her agro about bamboo socks – apparently she didn’t quite understand the concept of retail research and regarded it more as industrial espionage – maybe she should have a bath, ditch the dreadlocks and get a life.

All in all a fun time in Wine-ville – and the wine tasting hasn’t even started yet – roll on the free grog!!

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'Girls Just Wanna have Fun' - Cyndi Lauper, 1985