You Should Have Killed Me When You Had the Chance

"Am I talented?"

Please. What would YOU say if your teenage girl asked you that? Yep. You say something like I did the other day in the car, driving the self-proclaimed prodigy to Music or Modelling or Underwater Macrame or something. "Everyone is talented in their own special way darl."

Vomit.

But she didn't stop there. She saw through the generic answer and wanted more.

"But like... Am I gifted? You know, am I THAT good at something that everyone would go ...  (long sigh) ..... Ahhhhhhh......."

Why can't kids just accept your first answer? And why can't they ask these questions during home-baked cookies or after a perfectly nutritionally balanced meal when you're in a gold-star parenting mood, rather than in the car running late for something? And why is it, when you pause for that moment too long, trying to manufacture an answer, that they sense it and go in for the kill.... and say ....

"OMG! You don't think I'm GIFTED do you? I'm not good at ANYTHING am I? Are you saying that I'm JUST a regular person or that I SUCK AT EVERYTHING?"

No, I thought, I wish you'd shut up.

Is it all these talent shows on Telly that's the problem?

Or is it true that we've raised Gen Z (or whatever they're called) to whine 'What about me?' at any opportunity.  When did it become a bad thing just to BE? Or, God forbid, go through like without being an amazing singer, dancer, fire-eater or be able to cook a fennel-crusted salmon dish (with caramelised onion) in under fifteen minutes by the age of twelve? Just to grow up and have major achievements listed as learning to ride a bike and getting a special woggle at Scouts? Isn't the whole idea of the word 'gifted' that most people aren't and some people are? Reality TV has proven that everyone can be a Fabulously Famous Nobody, except I'm not quite sure whether this is what I want Gen Z to be when they grow up.

Ironically, we had to go to the Prodigy's School Concert the other night.

I bribed Brad the Tradie into it by offering dinner at the tavern beforehand. After running about six thousand school concerts and talent shows myself, I'd pretty much rather roll in broken glass than go to another one and, as it turns out, most of the Year 9, 10 and 11 parents felt the same way because the audience was mighty light-on. And playing on their smart-phones. I should tut-tut at that type of parent behaviour, but that would make me hypocritical, as I too was checking Facebook during the School Band's never ending Les Miserable medley. OK, and the Year 11 'representational drama excerpt'  from Waiting for Godot. And the flute group's four-verse rendition of In The Jungle (you know.... wimma-way a-wimma-way....it goes on and on and on and on...)  and a couple of hip-hop acts. I paid attention during Act 15 on the program, which was the Prodigy's self-penned play 'Three Friends and Her' starring her (and three friends). I dutifully took pictures with my IPhone, waved and applauded, then went back to playing Bejewelled.

But the highlight was a Year 11 Death Metal Band belting out a song called 'You Should Have Killed Me When You Had the Chance.' Six minutes of screaming, head banging and shaking greasy long hair about. Brad the Tradie starting laughing. I filmed them (damn I love my iPhone) to play back to the Prodigy in the car on the way home to remind her just HOW MANY parenting points I earned by sitting through another freaking awful school concert. And without wine too.

Ironically, the concert was held on the same night as the weekly showing of Australia's Got Talent on the telly. The thing about gifted and talented people is that they're basically freaks. My favorite on the show so far has been the gay pole-dancing Aboriginal male nurse from Walgett. If he'd been at the school concert the other night I might not have wanted to be killed at intermission.

But when the average teenager sees fourteen year old freaks on the Telly singing Opera then they want that attention too. So they keep practicing.... And practicing.... Dancing in front of mirrors dressed in polyester/lycra blend outfits from Supre and belting out Karaoke in suburban houses all over the nation. I suppose it all comes in handy at Greek Weddings and Friday night at the Blacktown RSL.

As for moi? Well, my acting gets better all the time: "Suck? You? Oh noooooo darl, you're the most talented kid I've ever had the pleasure of parenting. Really. Now let's go get some hot chips."    

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You Should Have Killed Me When You Had the Chance, A Day to Remember, 2010